I Can't Today

I can’t today.

I begin to think about

How it all started.

Quarantine,

Right?

Pandemic?

No no.

Long before that.

Oh right,

There was time and a life

Before that,

A life and a world - 

Well, for me,

Not for all.

I’m trying to think,

To remember,

To find what I seek

In the dust-covered neurons,

But then -

Another one breaks.

Another one falls.

Another life shortened -

So I just…

Can’t today.

Oh, that’s when it was!

It came in a flash of some

Words barely taught

In a schoolroom too warm

On some odd wrinkled pages

With yellow of young fingers past,

As they flipped passed

The lives in the words.

We did terrible things?

The innocent white eyes,

Looked up at

Authority,

Begging for comfort.

Not we,

Do not worry,

These crimes are all past.

The Authority comforts,

The pages all turn,

The smiles return for,

Oh Look,

First Thanksgiving!

This will be good:

Authority’s promise.

I try to bring smiles,

I try to connect.

I try to give knowledge

And to lighten the world.

But sometimes the world

Does not want to be lightened,

Does not need to be lightened,

But be fired instead.

So pardon me please as I say once again,

I cannot perform.

I can’t today.

Why?

Authority lied.

Or was it pre-meditated,

A word-play deceit?

The crimes are not past,

The crimes have been passed.

We live with them now,

Every day, every breath -

Well, some do, at least.

Not all are so lucky.

The weight of the truth

Bears down on us all.

We cannot ignore it,

We should not ignore it.

Does it sit on your chest?

Does it nudge at your mind?

Is its knee on your throat?

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

So, I can’t today,

But I can on another,

And that is a luxury,

That was purchased

Through blood.

So don’t look away,

That blood is still fresh.

In fact,

It is pouring out now.

What to do?

Though I can’t today,

There are thousands of others who

Never Again

Will be able to say that

They can’t today.

And I cannot undo it.

But I have breath in my body,

So I’ll use it to say what I can.

Their names.

Their names must live on,

So that others may soon have the

Knowledge that they can say,

“I can’t today.”

And not because death.

No not because fear of their death

As they just try to

Live Their Lives.

Their Black Lives, which Matter.

We must fight for them now.

Now is the time.

We do all that we can.

George Floyd

Botham Jean

Tamir Rice

Trayvon Martin

Eric Garner

Freddy Gray

Breonna Taylor

Sandra Bland

Philando Castille

Sean Reed

Michael Brown

The list goes on

And on 

And on

And on

And on and on and on…

No,

I can’t today,

But they cannot ever.

Read them.

Repeat them.

And fight for them all.